Don’t look out the train window to inspire yourself to write, to take away it’s beauty, to copy it in a painting or photograph. It doesn’t matter what they think about what you saw and what you might do with it. Look out at the dark clouds and grasses and river, at the neon billboard, and all the gray because you’re living your life right now and might as well look.
On the bus today, I tried to think of an epiphany moment. My mind was empty-all I could think of was the reading I have to finish over lunch. The bus rumbled down the road, the song “Pompeii” playing on the radio under the conversations of the passengers. In ballet today, we were practicing pirouettes (I’m in an intro class xD). I feel like a little girl in ballet, thrilled by the studio’s tall windows and rosy walls, by the pale pink slippers and pliés. But near the end of the lesson, as we practiced our dizzy spinning, I could not balance. I knew I was doing it wrong, ballet is hard, and I’m bad at it. Anyway, I had lost my excitement over ballet, over the movement and the atmosphere of the room. And I was feeling down over failing to spin perfectly, when I would never be a prima ballerina. Ballet is difficult, I am in awe of ballerinas, and I can afford to laugh at myself falling over, and trying to spin again.
I woke up in a bad mental mood this morning, feeling stressed and worried about stuff going on. Before going to the hairdresser’s with my mom, I grabbed my sketchbook and pen. In the waiting room, I doodled the shiny black heels and red hairdo of one of the stylists, then began to write. I instinctively undervalue reflective writing because it’s not like I can use it as a writing sample on a resume, or use it to practice essay-writing skillz for academia, but it’s definitely the type of writing I’ve done the most (discounting school assignments). It’s usually very personal, so I’m not comfortable sharing it, and it’s honest, so it’s not necessarily flattering for me xD. I wrote about a moment that seemed to be the root of a lot of anxiety, missing description and analysis as different parts of the memory came to mind. I realized that the moment itself didn’t bother as much as all the worries it triggered. When the hairdresser called me up, I had learned a bit more about myself. It was a mini-epiphany!
I wonder if reflective writing and an analysis paper based on personal experience are the same thing? I think reflective writing is more free-writing that isn’t necessarily edited into a final product and shared. One stems from the other.
But some days I just wake up in a bad mood, which (like most things) doesn’t last forever.
I recommend recalling something that brings a lot of emotional baggage when it visits your mind, and writing about it. I also recommend eating tortilla chips with marinara sauce and playing chess with someone for fun.
Lastly, it’s Wednesday! Midway through vacation. I’m learning html, I played a game of chess with my dad, and I hung out with my mom.